i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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