I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
