this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
