You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize