He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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