Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
