i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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