ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
