idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
