so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
