bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
