Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
