I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
