I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
