Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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