ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
