I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
