I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
