It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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