honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
