Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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