you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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