A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
