fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm really busy with my period
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