If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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