its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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