All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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