I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
