Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
