We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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