I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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