census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize