I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
