wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
