i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
