Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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