Whod you bang
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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