i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
