all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
