sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
