If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
