Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
