you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
