dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
