What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
