He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
