Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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