I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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