Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need a beard to bite.
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