Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
