The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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