My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
