i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Four minutes until I can fart!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
