We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
