She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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