also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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