Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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