I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
