found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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