kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My ass is underappreciated
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
